Waves of Grief
Grief is like a wave, some days it comes rolling in from a far-off place, and I cannot push it back as if I were standing in the water. There is nothing heroic or noble about Grief. It is painful hard work, and it lingers a long time, from intense mental anguish to very deep sorrow to remorse. It can be a feeling of heaviness and overwhelming weight, in which I cannot shed. Grief is a disorderly process and disrupts your mind and thinking clearly ability.
When you are in grief, you feel a deep loss and pain. This pain can become overwhelming, and some fight their pain with denial. They say, this is not true, and how could this have happened to me. You try your best to absorb the shock. You will move through many levels of denial, some will be deeper and more intense than others. The denial emotion can be like a cushion for a while, but it may start to turn against you. You may start to ask yourself, “ Is this keeping me from moving forward in my life”? All these emotions are normal.
"Everything seemed great in my life until it was all turned upside down with the loss of my dog.
I never truly knew what grief felt like and I didn’t want to except that is what was happening with
me. I didn’t want to take the time to grieve, I never had to, why now? I wanted everything back to normal. With the help of Joann I was able to pick apart the pieces of grieving and try to understand how I was feeling and ways to help deal with it. This is very hard when this is something you are not used to. It took time but with Joann’s tools it showed me a way to change my thinking from negative to positive.
8 months seem like such a long time to grieve but I now know it could take longer, and I will have my days and everything will be ok."
Grief is slow, and you need it to be like this even though you’ll probably want to rush it along. It may take longer than you have patience for. You need its slowness. Everyone grieves and heals differently, and it can change your feelings, thoughts and attitude.
You may feel or others may feel you are not grieving correctly. You should be or should not be doing this or that, it’s not healthy. Soon after the numbness wears off and the pain starts to go away, you will begin to start a “new normal”.
As many talk about the stages of grief, I call it a Ball of emotions. Some days this ball is tangled with:
Loss, sadness, rage, depression, anxiety, sorrow, fear, anger, loneliness, resentment yearning, jealousy, envy, denial, panic, abandon, bitterness and many more. Some days you feel each one belongs to you and this is very normal. Be patient with yourself.
Recovery from grief will start. You will see yourself more pleasant, not crying as much, sleeping better, laughing at a joke, thankful for all you have. You must have Faith to get you through.